


Life Experience

by melusinezar



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-30
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-01-17 15:17:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1392466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melusinezar/pseuds/melusinezar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yuzuru wants more « life experience » and seeks Javier to help him out. But things get a bit out of hands.</p><p>A little add-on after I received a review about squick stuff : characters from the main pairing are dating/get to date other people and there's mention of cheating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to wait to have at least the second chapter fully done before starting to post this but hey, our guys won medals and I wanted to share so. Enjoy.
> 
> Also, obligatory reminder that this is all entirely 100% fictional.

Javier found Yuzuru sitting on the bench in the locker room, looking at his skates thoughtfully. They were the last ones at the rink today, Brian had just left and there was a weird, weary calm in the air. Javier thought at first that it was fatigue that kept his friend so silent and unresponsive to his entrance. He went to take a shower and it was only when he stepped out and opened his bag to put on fresh clothes that Yuzuru suddenly spoke up.

"What would you call a « life experience » ?"

Javier paused and put on his trousers. Yuzuru's eyes were still glued to his skates.

"What do you mean ?" He asked.

Yuzuru sighed and his head sagged against the wall behind him, his face a mix of confusion and irritation.

"Coach told me that I need more life experience to skate better."

He frowns, pain replacing irritation on his face. "I don't know what he means or what he wants. It's like 'it' doesn't count."

It took a few seconds for Javier to understand what Yuzuru meant by 'it'. He put his shirt on and went to sit down next to his friend.

"You don't...", he cleared his throat, this was such a delicate subject. " I mean, you mean the earthquake, right ? "

Yuzuru turned away from him. Javier felt horrible and tried to backpedal.  
"I mean, you don't talk about it."

He could see a lot of torn emotion dancing on Yuzuru's face and body. The left side of Yuzu's mouth twitched exaggerately as if he was annoyed, his eyebrows frowned like he was sad. Javier could see the muscles of Yuzuru's shoulder tense and tremble with worry. He wasn't sure though if he was capable to read them accurately. One thing he was sure of was Yuzuru looked tired. 

"I feel so selfish...", he finally said. Javier turned fully to him, giving him all his attention. Yuzuru stared at an invisible spot on the opposite wall.  
" I'm here and I skate. And it's... it's safe here. No earthquake. No nuclear. And all I do is skate because I have to. Because... If I do something I like, I must give all I have so it's not just something I like. So it's not selfish anymore."

Yuzuru's face and body were so tense, Javier put his arms around his shoulder, rocking him a bit.

"Hey... It's okay."

He really didn't know what to say to him. Yuzuru only talked about the big earthquake in japanese in interviews. Javier wasn't even sure he talked about it with his own mother. It wasn't something Javier could understand, he knew that. He didn't have the words to take this pain, this guilt away from his friend. He could only be there for him. And maybe try to distract him a bit. 

"One of the best life experience in my life was my second girlfriend."

Yuzuru finally looked at him, brows raised in surprise.

"Your second ? Why not the first ?"

Javier scrunched his face as he remembered the uncomfortable and awkward memory.

"Oh no, the first was as short as awful."

Yuzuru snorted.

"I thought first was the most important."

–Nah, it's not the number that's important. It's the... the intensity. The...". Javier started snapping his fingers, searching for the right word. "The happiness ? Yes the happiness !"

Yuzuru smiled again, and Javier mirrored him. A smile looked much better than gloom on him. Yuzuru angled against Javier a bit, both boys still very close because of Javier's arm still locking them up in their mutual spaces, and said in a confident tone.

"I’ve only had one girlfriend.  
–Really ?"

The japanese nodded, blushing a bit.

"She was nice but I wanted to skate more than be with her. She told me she liked me, and I thought « why not ? ». We kissed once", he said with a bit of pride and Javier couldn't help but laugh.

" What ? " asked Yuzuru, giggling but then becoming offended when Javier continued to laugh.

" I'm sorry. I'm sorry Yuzu. It's just... It's cute. And I understand what Coach said about life experience."

The frowning face was back.

"What do you mean ? "

Javier fell silent under Yuzuru's serious gaze and he became more aware of his arm sitting around Yuzuru's shoulders. There he thought the earthquake was a delicate subject. Now he felt like he was walking on a rope above the Niagara Falls.

It was not that Javier was shy to talk about girls and relationships and sex. It was only that talking about it with Yuzuru... Well it had never happened before. And Javier didn't know why he was suddenly so tense at the idea to broach the subject with him. Which was ridiculous, because really, why ?

But his friend didn't allow time to sort out his thoughts. A wave of understanding (of what, exactly, Javier didn't know) washed over Yuzuru’s face.

"Oh. You think I should have other relationship ? Or kiss ? It would be « life experiences » ?  
\- I... I don't know. Maybe ?"

Yuzuru became pensive again and Javier saw determination taking over him. He retrieved his arm and patted Yuzuru's thigh.

" Let's go eat some poutine okay ? And try to see some places, too."

Yuzuru made a face and sagged on the bench, half laughing.

"Muriii... I'm so tired."

Javier laughed and yanked him gently by the arm.

"Come on. You won't have new life experiences if you just go to bed after training !"

 

During the next days, Javier noticed Yuzuru was trying really hard to hit on every girl at the rink. He had to admit, it was quite hilarious. Yuzuru's style was a weird mix of deep politeness and a very straightforward approach. He still managed to kiss a skater in the middle of the rink, under everyone's baffled gaze. It was surreal. Tatiana had giggled at Yuzuru's offer and took his face between her hands and they kissed. When they pulled away they both had such a confused look on their face, some people couldn't help but to laugh not very discreetly. Yuzuru and Tatiana exchanged a few words and then they shook hands and went back to their training like nothing had happened.

Javier had watched the whole scene with an aghast Brian. The fact that Yuzuru just skated over them and asked for advice on one of his spins didn't help to make the atmosphere less bizarre.

 

Over the weekend, Javier invited Yuzu to plan a trip together in an attempt to cheer his friend up and to distract him from his gloomy and dating ideas. They hadn’t really taken the time to be tourists since they met, and Yuzuru even less, so Javier wanted to show him around the city and some places he hadn’t had the opportunity to visit yet. 

After an hour debating where to go (« I don't even know what that is. » « There's only guide in english Javi ! » « What about a night club ? - Remember I'm still minor in Japan »), Javier's room and bed was covered in pamphlets for different sightseeing places and museums, as well as with an annoyed and tired Yuzuru. 

"You're not really helping you know ? There must be something that peaks your interest somewhere !", sighed an exasperated Javier while sitting on his bed next to his friend, and resting his back against the wall behind him.

" I'm just so tired from the training, I don't want to be even more tired by walking for hours !", replied an even more annoyed Yuzuru.

They exchanged a look and Javier gave up. Silence fell on them and the Spaniard's mind started to wander. Usually he and Yuzu were on the same vibe, or at least, close ones. But sometimes it was hard to break in his taciturn friend's mask, and apparently that would be one of those. 

" And what about the kissing and dating ? What happened with Tatiana ?" He finally asked, desperate for some understanding.

Yuzuru sat up and bit his tongue. He looked at Javier from the corner of his eyes before looking elsewhere. He repeated the motion twice before Javier reacted.

" What ?  
\- I...."

Yuzuru took a deep breath then turned around completely to face Javier.

"She wasn't the first I tried this week. Maria said I was bad. And when I asked Tatiana if she would kiss me she said yes. But then it was like with Maria. So I asked her who was the best kisser she knows.

\- And that is ?"

Yuzuru's look pinned Javier against the wall he was leaning on.

"You."

Javier faltered for words. He had kissed Tatiana last year after she lost a bet. He was quite flattered that she thought so highly of his kissing skills. But the way Yuzuru was looking at him right now, with this information floating between them, piling with those « life experiences » obsessions and his friend’s constant determination and competitive strike, he felt like the room’s temperature had risen suddenly and it was really hard to breathe and to avoid Yuzuru's eyes without turning completely from him.

" I... I don't understand what you want, Yuzu.  
\- I know it's strange but... Can you.. show me ? "

The look on his face was so honest, so open, Javier's words died in his throat. Yuzuru kept going.

"They said you were good. And I prefer to go for the teacher than the students."

Javier's right eyebrow shot up. Sometimes he really had a hard time following how Yuzuru's mind worked. 

" You... You want 'me' to teach 'you'... how to kiss ? "

Yuzuru nodded, waiting. Javier rubbed his face and stood up. Yes, better. Standing up and not sitting on the bed would surely made Yuzuru's gaze less powerful. Right. Totally.

Except, not really.

" Yuzu, it's not that I don't want to help you but..."

Damn it. Yuzuru was clearly trying to understand what he was saying but the double negation might have been a bit too much, if his confused face was anything to go by. 

" Is it because we are boys ?

\- Well..."

Javier never thought he would have to admit to his friend that right now, he was actually finding the possibility of kissing him pretty appealing.

"Or because we're friends ? It's just teaching, Javi."

Yuzuru stood up too and approached him. Eyes wide, his face open with transparent innocence and honesty and no wonder this guy had so many fans. 

"Teaching involves doing it no ?" Javier asked with a shaky voice.

Then again, Yuzuru's face was flooded with something Javier couldn't decipher aside from inquisitiveness.

"I guess. But you can just explain if you don't want to practice."

Javier breathed deeply to calm himself down and looked again in his friend’s eyes. 

"I promise we stay friend, Javi, " Yuzuru said like he was trying to tame a wild animal. His face was suddenly torn with panic. " You still my friend right ? "

Javier couldn't help to snort. " Yes. Yes I am. "

Yuzuru's relief and smile were contagious and Javier felt suddenly calmer about this whole thing. They were and would stay friends. Even if Yuzuru seemed to not really grasp how a kiss could be intimate yet, the worst that could happen was that it would just feel awkward and they would laugh it off.

"Okay. Kiss me."

Yuzuru didn't even question him, he put a hand on Javier's shoulder and leaned forward, pressing his lips against Javier's. They were soft, plump. «Nice » thought Javier. But apart from that, it was the most chaste kiss Javier had ever received. Yuzuru stayed there, not moving, just a firm pressure of lips against his. Yuzuru pulled back and opened his eyes again, looking at Javier expectantly.

"Okay. I'm going to kiss you now."

Yuzuru nodded sharply and Javier took his face in his hands. He bent forward but instead of planting firmly against Yuzuru's lips, he peppered them with little kisses. He felt Yuzuru's stare on him. Javier could feel him trying to mimic those little pecks, awkwardly; he was still pressing too hard. They pulled away and Javier let his hands fall on Yuzuru's shoulders, rubbing them gently.

"You need to relax, loosen up."

An amused smile appeared on the japanese man’s face and he said with a badly impersonated spanish accent :

« Loosen up. Loosen up » then cracked up, pressing his forehead against Javier's shoulder while they both laughed.

This broke the tension that had built between them despite their previous reassurances. Javier leaned forward again and started to kiss him through his giggles. Their smiles touched and it felt like eating cotton candy : sweet and light, with the sugar rush making your head dizzy. Yuzuru's lips became softer and pliant, and more alive against Javier's. When they backed away, Javier said :

"You're ready for the tongue ?"

Yuzuru's eyebrows shot up.

"Tongue ? Where ?  
\- Well in your mouth, said a giggling Javier.  
\- Oh."

Yuzuru took a second to recompose himself and to apparently think this through. Meanwhile, Javier realized that they were loosely hugging eachother. He was going to release him when Yuzuru agreed for more.

Javier felt his insides tie themselves in weird knots. A bit hesitant, he took Yuzuru's chin between his thumb and index.

" I... I need you to open your mouth a bit."

Yuzuru did, a bit too much though. Deciding that actions would show better than words, words Javier was starting to lose anyway, Javier opened his mouth and, as gently as possible, slipped his tongue through Yuzuru's lips to reach his. They’d barely touched when he felt Yuzuru's body tremble, and then he heard his gasp. Javier backed away to check on him. Yuzuru's eyes were drilling on his. His mouth still open, only closing for him to swallow, and opening again. 

"You okay ?"

Yuzuru nodded rapidly and moved forward, pausing for a moment to make sure Javier was still okay with doing this, the tip of his tongue sticking out through his teeth. Javier nodded and relaxed his jaw and the second after he felt Yuzuru's tongue finding his. The warmth of their caged breaths in their mouths sent goosebumps through the skin of his skull.

He could feel once again the tremor striking through Yuzuru's body with his arms and he held him tighter. In the kiss, he caressed Yuzuru's tongue with his, then slowly withdrew, capturing Yuzu's tongue between his lips and letting them slowy drag on it. Yuzuru's right hand touched his cheek and rested there, the left one searching something to grasp on and ended up wrapped around Javier’s shoulders. Javier's hands settled on the small of Yuzuru's back and on the smoothness of the back of his neck. 

He felt Yuzu's breath against his cheek and nose getting heavier, and he pushed forward with his tongue, retreating them in Yuzuru's mouth where they caressed each other gently, Yuzuru following his lead even though soon Javier stopped being able to describe what they were doing. All he could do was to feel, and the delicious sensation the contact of Yuzuru elicited in and on his mouth as well as the warmth and the contagious shivers of his body. He could have gone on like that forever. But Yuzuru stopped everything abruptly, and it took a second for Javier to realize they were not kissing anymore. Yuzuru's head rested on the crook of his shoulder, heavy pants coming out of his lungs. Without thinking, he caressed Yuzuru's back, soothing him and maybe trying to calm down the shivering, which was actually intensifying, as well as the panting. Though, Javier wasn't particularly in a calmer state.

Yuzuru raised his head once again, looking at him with blurred eyes and flushed cheeks, breathy pants coming from his mouth and his full lips. Javier's tongue stuck out to lick his own lips and halfway through it, Yuzuru plunged on him and touched him with the tip of his tongue. He drew the contour of Javier's tongue, making him close his eyes and sending a thrill of pleasure under his skin, making his toes curl on the floor. Then he closed his lips on Javier’s, kissing his mouth with a wet noise. In reaction Javier held him closer and kissed him back with fever. 

Suddenly he noticed the hardness against his own. Instinctively his hips thrust forward, making Yuzuru tense and grasped at Javier's shoulders, tighter. The moan resonated in their mouths and Yuzuru's tongue, lips and hips surged forwards to graze on Javier.

The thrusts intensified quickly, becoming sharper, closer, faster. Their mouths and chins and cheeks were wet with the spit escaping and surrounding their kiss. Everything was warm, and hot, and delicious, and building, and 'close'. 

Javier's face was buried in Yuzuru's neck, his nose and lungs breathing the scent of his skin and his ear was wet from Yuzuru's moans and gasps. Javier was close, so close...

He felt Yuzuru's whole body tense against him, and he felt his nails scraping harshly on the top of his head. Yuzu came with a mix of a moan and a growl, and Javier was almost there, his hips thrusting again but he had to stop when Yuzuru squirmed away from them.

"... shower..."

It was hard for Javier to get his brain to work again when he was still ready to fall over the edge.

"What ?

\- Can I use your shower ?", Yuzuru was panting so much, Javier almost didn't understand.

He nodded, still dazed and he opened his arms to let go of Yuzuru. The second Yuzuru's wobbling body had left his, Javier felt reality slam into him, like a truck. When he had been released from the embrace, Yuzuru lost his balance and almost fell. He caught himself quickly, with a helping hand from his friend, and then Javier watched him stumble toward the door and disappear in the bathroom.

Javier palmed himself, still hard as a rock and he contemplated finish himself off for a second. But without Yuzuru, it felt pointless, and wrong.

And that's when it hit him, the wrongness of all this. It was like a bubble had formed around them as long as they were holding eachother, and that it had popped the second they weren't touching anymore. Nothing had felt wrong at that moment, everything had actually been flowing in a smooth way Javier didn't remember ever experimenting. 

But now, all he could think about was his girlfriend. And the possible and certain destruction of his friendship with Yuzuru. Javier let himself fall on his bed, his erection slowly fading, but the knots in his stomach only tightening.

Yuzuru came out a few minutes later, dressed with a spare pants he brought in his training bag (that he always took with him). He looked at Javier and twisted his hands, searching for words. He didn't seem to find any and just said he should go and that he would see Javier on monday, Javier nodded, saying he understood. Yuzu bowed slightly, his moves looser after his orgasm, but his eyes were more focused. He took his bag and left, leaving a confused Javier alone.

" What the hell just happened ?", whispered the spaniard to himself.


	2. chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After long months of waiting (i'm so so sorry !) here comes the second chapter ! With not a lot of action but a lot of talking ! 
> 
> A huge shout out to my wonderful beta who is just amazing and who always knows what to critic and how to help me overcome the things ! Nelly, I love you !

The next Monday, Yuzuru arrived at the rink followed by three cameras. He did his best to keep looking ahead while walking through the corridors. He greeted Brian who was already near the ice and disappeared into the locker room. He had completely forgotten that it would be a public training this morning and he must do all he could do to keep Saturday out of his mind and just focus on his skating. He hadn't talked to Javier yet, and they definitely couldn't afford a heart to heart in front of so many recording devices. Yuzuru also didn't want them to witness, and report to all Japan, any possible tension between them. Javier was his friend, his closest friend in Canada. He made things easier for Yuzuru here, he made him feel less lonely, less homesick. Javier understood the pressure of bearing the hopes of an entire country on his shoulders. Practice was always better with Javier. When Yuzuru got frustrated and discouraged, Javier was always there to cheer him up, to form a sort of protective and distancing shield when Yuzuru needed space from other people. And vice versa, Yuzuru liked to help him up when Javier fell. To make him smile, to support him. 

He didn't want to have his relationship with Javier be questioned in every upcoming interview. He didn't want to be asked again and again about any kind of made up 'rivalry'. He already had to manage that about Patrick Chan, and he admired Patrick. He respected him. But anyone trying to make this precious thing between him and Javier look bad ? No. He didn't want it. And he wouldn’t allow it. 

Yuzuru finished changing and joined Brian and the other skaters on the rink. Under his coach’s scrutiny, he did his warm up routine, concentrating on his movements, on his blades, on the ice, forgetting momentarily the cameras and his troubled thoughts. He did such a good job at it that when he noticed Javier talking to Brian, he sneakily skated toward him, a smile on his face and tickled Javier's sides.

Javier jumped, surprise painting his face. Yuzuru laughed and glided from his back to his side, his right hand dragging on the small of Javier's back before ending on Yuzuru's hip. Javier smiled nervously and both skaters turned their attention to their coach. 

Brian explained their schedule for the day, and Yuzuru was happy that it would focus on his jumps. He loved jumping. He loved how precise the technique must be, and he was relieved by the focus it would require of him. The Worlds were coming quickly and he needed to work on keeping together under the pressure. He had won that Olympic gold medal, but deep down, he felt like he would truly deserve it once he skated both his short and his free programs without any fall or weak landing on his big jumps. It was a whole: jumps, spins, transitions... And he wouldn't be satisfied until he could show his programs as a whole entity. 

With that in mind, he started his practice. He did great at the beginning, but apparently, no matter how decided he was, he couldn't make some parts of his brain shut up. It was catching a glimpse of Javi jumping. Or skating near him while he was spinning. Or rushing to him when he landed on his back instead on his feet. No matter what, Yuzuru couldn't take his mind off of him. And the tension, the inevitable tension in Javier's smile didn't help him at all. And with all those cameras... he couldn't even ask Javi if they could talk later, because he didn't want anyone to read his lips. 

So, instead, he kept trying to shut off his brain and focus.

It was a relief when the practice ended and Brian asked him if he was okay. Yuzuru was so tired, so worried, he leaned toward his coach and told him quietly in his ear: « I need to talk with you. Alone. Later. » Confusion passed on Brian's face but he nodded.

« Tell me when and where. »

With a grateful smile, Yuzuru returned to the changing room before facing another long evening in the claws of the media.

 

Just a few minutes later after they left the rink, Javier made the same request to his coach. Brian proposed a dinner at his house. Maybe he could find out what was the cause of the meltdown of both his pupils today.

Javier had been silent during the trip and Brian jolted him out of his thoughts when he parked the car in front of his house.  
Javier unbuckled his belt quickly, the febrility of his movements betraying his anxiety. Brian watched him get out of the car and took a deep breath before doing the same. He led his student to his house and told him to make himself comfortable while he was going to bring them refreshments.

Javier shrugged his jacket off of his back and sagged on the couch in the living room. He wasn't sure if talking to Brian before to Yuzuru was a good idea. He didn't want to involve his coach in his personal life and particularly on a subject that could cause troubles with one of his other students. But he wasn't sure if he could clear his head by himself and Brian had helped him in the past. When Brian came back with a tray of soda Javier started to speak before he could chicken out.

"I screwed up. But like, very bad."

Brian looked at him, taken aback. He put the tray on the table and sat on the chair facing the couch, studying his trainee carefully while starting to pour drinks. Javier sat up straight and alternated between rubbing his hands and twisting them. He chewed on his lips, his face reflecting his helplessness.

"Did you do something illegal ?" asked Brian carefully.

"What ? No !" replied Javier with a shocked face. Brian sighed in relief. "At least, I don't think so", Javier added, thoughtful. Then horror flooded his face. "Oh my god... What if it IS illegal ? Yuzuru said he's still a minor in Japan !"

Brian's eyed open wide in surprise. He raised a hand in a calming gesture and with the other gave Javier a glass of soda that his trainee took in his nervous fingers.

" Why don't you start by telling me exactly what happened and how Yuzuru is involved in this , okay?" Brian said with his most calm and reassuring smile, hiding the panic and the million of crazy scenarios his brain was flooding him with.

Javier nodded, his gaze dropping in his glass. To give himself some courage, he drank the last of the soda in one go, wishing it was whisky. Once the last gulp swallowed, he put down the glass on the platter, took a steadying and deep breath, and leaped.

« Yuzuru and I, we kissed saturday. »

Okay, Brian had to admit to himself, he hadn't expect this and his mouth opened in shock.

« And we even kinda had sex,» Javier continued, waiting apprehensively Brian's reaction.

The coach may had needed a few seconds to process both pieces of information.

« Yuzu and you... you kissed », he said. Javier nodded, biting his lower lip.

« And you two also...   
\- Kinda had sex, yes. » said Javier and he was sure his panic could be heard in his voice as well as his guilt and helplessness were visible on his face.

Brian rubbed his chin, gathering his thoughts. He was the adult here, the mentor, the wise old man the young ones turned to get some well thought advice and, oh damn he needed something so much stronger than some cola to deal with this. Unfortunately, experience reminded him that both of them probably wouldn't stay sober enough to discuss this and they really didn't need a bigger headache.

Also, Brian recognized the look on Javier's face. Strong feelings bursting seemingly from out of nowhere, only bringing confusion and questions. It was the same worry and desperate expression he had seen on himself a few times, the same one Javier had when he came out to him as bisexual two months after his arrival. Brian had told him at the time that if Javier wanted to make a public announcement or if he decided to just live his life without involving the press, he would respect and support his choice 100%. His support and help on how Javier could come out to Cortney without making her run away from him had been very precious and strengthened their bond and trust. In the end, Javi's worries had been lifted up quickly when his girlfriend had accepted him without further drama.

« Yuzu wants to talk to me too », Brian said, still trying to find what to say.

Javier nodded, his jaws so tensed that Brian could hear his teeth grinding.

« So you are... Are you two... a thing ?» he asked hesitantly.

Javier dropped his head on his hands.

« No. No it wasn't suppose to go like that. » he whimpered. But then he raised his head suddenly, striked with an apparent and accusatory revelation.

« Actually, it's totally your fault » Javier said with a reproachful voice. Before Brian's flabbergasted face, Javi got up and paced with heat. He explained, with agitated hands, Yuzuru's literal interpretation of Brian's « life experience » advice and how it led to Yuzuru asking girls out all around the rink, only to end with him kissing and thrusting feverishly against Javier, and now Yuzu acted like nothing happened while Javier had no idea why it slipped from something jokingly friendly to disturbed and confusing feelings and how was he supposed to face Courtney when she would come back from her training session in Poland next week ?

Brian tried to appease his pupil but the discussion went long and animated after that. There were some yelling from Javi, some babbling and flustering from both and a lot of soothing and calming words from Brian. They both came to the agreement that first Brian would have a long talk with Yuzuru once he would be clear of cameras. Then of course Javier and Yuzuru needed to talk to each other and to sort out their feelings.

Javier hoped he would have a satisfying answer before being confronted with his girlfriend. And anyway, he had decided that he couldn't hide this from her and even less lie to her. And then everyone would go back to training in a, hopefully, serene atmosphere.

 

Yuzuru was used to the cameras following him. He had grown up under their lens since he was a child, and they knew when to keep some distance. As badly timed this situation was, Yuzuru knew how to manage the cameras. Everything was staying on a figure skating level, and if anything was trying to snoop into a more private part of his life, he knew how to bring back things on a more comfortable track. He knew the answers to the questions ; they never really changed, and he could go through this last interview without difficulty. 

Now he was waiting for Brian in the lobby, his earphones firmly settledin his ears, his head bopping to the music, focusing on the lyrics so he wouldn't have to torture his mind before talking to his coach. 

Brian arrived soon after sending his goodbye to Nam, and there was only Yuzuru left in the lobby, waiting for him. Brian took a deep breath and walked to him, touching his shoulder lightly to get his attention. Yuzuru raised his head and looked at him, quickly taking off his headphones and cutting his music off. Brian smiled as reassuringly as he could and gestured to him to get up and follow him to one of the offices in the building. Once the door closed, and their privacy assured, they both sat down on the comfortable chairs in the room. A tense silence fell between them.

Brian rubbed his hands against each other, keeping his eyes on his student.

« You want to tell me what happened with Javi ? »

Yuzuru didn't even seem surprised that Brian already knew, he simply nodded, his mouth a thin line.

« We... kissed. I asked him to. », Yuzuru said, his eyes hesitating between Brian's eyes and his tie.

The silence came back. As open as Yuzuru's expression usually was, it was still hard sometimes to know what he was thinking precisely, even though it was always easy to know how deeply affected he was by something.

« And, how do you feel about it ? » Brian asked awkwardly, clearing his throat.

Yuzuru's face scrunched, and he brought one hand up to rest his cheek on it, rubbing his right eye with his fingers.

« I'm not sure. Javi is my friend. My best friend here. It's hard. And I don't want it to be hard. » he said, his voice strained. « I... », he groaned, rubbed his face now with both hands and sagged against the chair's back with a frustrated sound. « Javi is a boy. And he has Cortney. I just don't know. »

Yuzuru's thoughts were both clear and a mess. On the surface, there was this clear knowledge that first, Javier was taken, second he was a boy. And that second point was linked to a deeper turmoil because it felt like it was important but at the same time like it wasn't. 

« Look Yuzu »,Brian's voice made him open his eyes again and look back at his coach. Brian could see the conflict on Yuzuru's face and he knew how delicate the situation was.

« Sometimes there are boys who discover they like boys. » he said clumsily, but with a gentle tone. 

Yuzuru knew that, he knew that his coach was gay. He also knew that he wasn't.

« But... can they like girls too ? »

Brian's smile became even softer and weirdly Yuzuru felt his heart beat faster, anxious for the answer.

« Yes. Yes they can like girls too. They can like girls and boys the same way. Javi does. »

Yuzuru needed a few minutes to process the information. Javi liked boys too. His heart beat fast but now for another reason. A spark of hope. That he tried to squash hard because Javi was taken. 

And because, also, maybe, Yuzuru liked boys and girls too and he should talk about it with his mother later. 

« Look, Yuzu. » said Brian, catching his gaze with his own again. « You and Javi, you should talk, ok ? » Yuzuru nodded. Yes, yes they should. « And if you have any question about anything, you can come to me, alright ? »

Yuzuru nodded again, feeling like he was jerked in a typhon's eye, the information circling at wild speed around him, grazing at him with light claws, his mind a blank surrounded by turmoil.

Once at home, he evoked the possibility of someone being both into boys and girls to his mother. She turned toward him, smiled and stroked his hair.

« Love is love, Yuzuru. All I would hope for that someone is to be happy with the person they love. And if they are happy, we will be all happy for them. »

He had cried a bit and she had hugged him. Yuzuru wasn't really sure why he cried this time, all this was new to him and he didn't expect for things to go badly or good. He had just wanted to taste a bit of his mother's thoughts on the subject and he ended up crying and laughing in her arms. But Yuzuru had always openly admitted that he was a bit of a crybaby anyway.

The next day, before their dance class, Javier and Yuzuru walked toward each other with determination and agreed to meet after the class in the coffee shop facing the cricket club for a much needed, and way too much delayed, discussion about what happened.

It's with hot cups in their hands that they finally opened Pandora's box.

The discussion was awkward, peppered by tensed giggles. The tension, and the cafeine, was pooling in their stomachs until it became unbearable.

« I want to be friend with you ! » suddenly blurted Yuzuru, looking right into Javier's eyes. « It's the most important thing for me. » 

Javier smiled and agreed with relief. « I don't want to lose your friendship either. »

With a determined move, Yuzuru extended his hand over the table. Javier took it and shook it, remembering vaguely something Mao had told him once about shaking hands being a sign of mutual friendship in Japan. Or something.

Yuzuru smiled and they released eachother, falling in a much more comfortable silent for a few second.

Then, with a hesitating voice, Yuzu asked Javi how he had discovered he liked boys as well as girls. Javier snorted, amazed by Yuzuru's forwardness and habit to just bluntly go right to the point. It broke the tension between them and they talked at length about this new common ground they had. Soon all the awkwardness had disappeared and Yuzuru was asking Javier tons of questions about his life, his feelings, his exes. It was like they had opened a new door, getting to know eachother on another level. 

They talked for hours, ordering dinner without leaving their seats when their stomach started to manifest, and they kept talking and laughing . When they had feared what happened would have torn them apart, it had ended drawing them closer, embracing them in a new easiness and warmth. It was a delightful and amazing feeling. They were friends and everything at this moment was beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to you all who kept encouraging me and waiting for this chapter ! Your kind words were the best motivation to keep going and I hope you enjoyed this chapter too ! It was a tough one to get through (mostly for technical writing and totally outside reasons) but I'm glad I finally did it !
> 
> I have at the very least two more chapters planned (but there will probably be more) and depending how the story goes, maybe one or two side-scenes I'll put up at the end as bonus (if they don't end up in actual chapters). 
> 
> Anyway, the next chapter will probably come in a month (let's be optimistic).


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Worlds 2014 are coming !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all thought this was abandonned right ? Mwahahaha it wasn't !   
> More seriously, I apologize for taking soooo long to update but life got in the way a lot.   
> The upside is that during this "hiatus", I got to know both Yuzuru and Javier better and I think I have a much better grasp of their "character" (still fictional speculation from me) so they're easier to write now. A lot has happened between the time I wrote the second chapter and this one (although a big part of it was written just after the Worlds last year) and it gave me more material to work on. So hopefully, chapter 4 will follow chapter 3 not too long after. (at least not a full year. Let's hope.)
> 
> Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy this little jump back in time for our boys.
> 
> And as always, I want to thank my absolutely wonderful beta, Nelly, who always give me great writing advices. You're the best <3

Training started again in a positive atmosphere. The laughs and concentration having returned, Yuzuru and Javier were back to their usual selves. The only tension on the ice came from the approaching World Championships and the desire to regain there what escaped them during the Olympics.

Everyday Yuzuru would look at the Gold Medal, not quite believing it was truly his. It was the lot of figure skating that you could win a competition even with a less than great free program. He knew that. But the Olympics were special. Its podium and its medals and its everything were special. Unique. History. You couldn't blotch it. And here he was with this medal, laying on his bed, still not realizing it was his. Even after a month, Yuzuru still felt he hadn't earned it as much as his dreams and his ambition decided he should have. 

He was glad for the Worlds to be coming so fast to distract him from this weight on his neck. It wasn't a subject he felt comfortable sharing with anyone, aside maybe Shizuka Arakawa, if he could meet with her. Though, she won her medal with beautiful performances. Javi was out of the question, his fourth place was already bittersweet enough for Yuzuru to not rub his « Olympic champion doubts » under his nose. Coach was a different thing, since his two own silver medals and Yuzuru having beaten another Canadian was a weird mix the Japanese man didn't want to touch. The truth was Yuzuru was a bit afraid that in a few months, once the hype went down, people would doubt too if he truly deserved to be the Olympic champion. 

He would have never thought accepting a win could be harder than accepting a defeat.

So for now, he would put the medal back in its Olympic box and focus on the next step, trying to leave that drag out of the way of his quad Salchow.

*

Laying on his bed, Javier memorized the different strategies Brian and Tracy had come up to avoid another potential zayaking. His head ached. Getting over that mistake was harder than Javier had thought. It was one thing to be the only skater of your country at the top level. It was another to have blown up your chances to make history by a silly mistake. Even though a fourth place was still a very honorable place, he knew it didn't have the same impact as a medal.

But thanks to Brian, who knew exactly how he felt, he was starting to overcome it. There were hundreds of skaters out there, legends, who never reached the Olympic podium. It didn't take away his merits. And more importantly, working with Yuzuru, he knew he had to work harder. 

He smiled to himself as he thought of his friend and he sighed happily at how close they had become. He had never seen Yuzuru as a threat on the ice, not that he thought he would ever be easy to beat and it wasn't something Javier thought would ever happen anyway. No, he always saw Yuzuru as a chance to better himself, to learn from him. The fact they became friends had been the cream and the cherry on top of the cake. And their little... « experiment » had just strengthened their bond. 

He was still daydreaming when he received a text from Cortney. She was extending her stay out of the country and Javi felt both sad and in a way pleased. He had finally decided that what happened between Yuzuru and him didn't have to reach her, since really, nothing really happened. He replied to her with a sad emoji, an « I miss you », and tried to go back to his reading. 

Skyping was difficult when they were in different timezones. Javi had to log on the morning before leaving for his first practice session of the day, and it meant it was late where Cortney was. And vice-versa, he knew, as he was opening his laptop and the program, that she probably wouldn't have a lot of time before rushing to her training since it was already dark in Canada.

So it caught him a bit by surprise when he saw her cozingly in bed through the screen.

« Why are you still in bed ? You're sick ? » he blurted as a salutation.

« Well, hello to you too » Cortney answered with a smirk. « The rink is closed today, there was a problem with the ice during the night. » she explained as he was still looking at her with raised eyebrows.

« Oh. That's too bad. » he said blankly. It was Cortney's turn to raise an eyebrow.

« Are you okay ? I would have thought that the sight of me in bed would have been welcomed a bit warmer. » she playfully bit her index in a sexy way before giggling. Javi thought it was cute and he smiled, laughing.

« I'm fine. Just tired sorry. »

« So no sexy skype tonight ? » she pouted and an uncomfortable feeling sat on his stomach. He laughed nervously, arguing that he had an early practice on the morning and as he was starting to babble she cut him off.

« Hey, Javi, it's fine. I get it. » she said gently. « I know you prefer the physical version . » 

A pang of guilt twisted his gut as the memory of a slender masculine body pressed against him tingled on his skin. His smile was strained and he looked away from the screen as he murmured another sorry.

She waved it off with sympathy and changed topic to his relief. She filled him in with her everyday life, what kind of program she was thinking about for the next season, her last fight with her dancing partner. He was nodding and smiling but his brain strayed away back to his own schedule plan. When she was talking about this new step she was trying, his mind left the discussion to think about his own step sequence in his long program. When she talked about lifts, he was vizualizing his own jumps and spins.

In the end she snapped him out of it with a loud sigh.  
« Are you even listening to me ? »

« Mh ? Oh sorry. » He clicked on the skype window, making it full screen again. He hadn't even realized he had opened other files while she was talking.

« What's wrong with you today ? » she huffed, annoyed.

He sighed and passed his hand on his face.

« Nothing. I'm just tired and there's the Worlds coming and... » he flailed his hands et the screen, trying to put words on his feelings. « I wish you were here. I miss you. »

A silence fell in their rooms and Javi saw her demeanor mollify.

« I miss you too. » she said softly. « And don't worry, you're going to kill it at Worlds, ok ? You can do it, I know it. »

He smiled and whispered a litany of thanks and sweet words to her. She caressed her screen and more than ever he wished he could feel her fingers on his face. She took pity on him and they logged off soon after, Javi's eyes tingling with sleepiness. 

When he saw Yuzuru the morning after, the same uncomfortable feeling he had during his skype session with Cortney came back. He shook it away, telling himself that Yuzu's sexuality crisis was something private, that only his friend was free to reveal it to anyone he wanted. 

The fact he technically cheated on his girlfriend was something Javi buried under a doubled focus on the upcoming competition. He had a point to make in Japan and he will goddamn do it.

*  
Coming back to Japan was both exhilirating and nerves-testing for Yuzuru. Fortunately, he was surrounded again by the big skating family and the warm feeling of coming home to the newly familiar sight of Tokyo. It might not have been Sendai but the smell, the sounds, everything, felt like he was back at home and he immediately felt his body relax. 

During the first day of the competition, as much as he tried to avoid it, it was hard to not get a glimpse at Tatsuki's program from the corner of his eyes. He wasn't too worried, all he had to do was skate clean like he did in Sochi. To focus on the music and the moment and his jumps. But as he was stepping on the ice after Tomas Verner, he felt this buzz slowly working its way in his chest. And by the time his name was announced, the weight of Sochi's gold pressed onto his neck. He tried to shake it off as soon as the music started, smiling playfully at the judges as he skated right before them, but he couldn't put it away until his body shifted during his quad toe loop and the hard and cold feel of the ice bashed him through his hips.

It was like a mental slap, suddenly his blade put him back on his feet and Yuzuru rose with new determination, apprehension left behind on the spot of his fall. The shot of pain shook the tension away, and the music became clearer in his ears, guiding him through the spins and the loose steps until he lept through the triple Axel and he landed it with an ease almost revengeful toward his previous mistake. A quiet rage ran through his body, a fuel to sharpen his mind and control so he could let the playfulness of his choreography make him actually enjoy it just enough for it to show. At the end of his program, the cheer of the crowd made it a bit easier to swallow his mistake, but as he was skating toward the exit, he tried retracing his steps to understand it. 

As always, he was welcomed by Brian's encouraging and positive words and as he was listening to his result, his nervousness had left entirely, replaced by an intense focus. 

After the final results and his mandatory interview, Yuzuru's determination nested in his mind and when he entered the rink the day after, it was at its peak. Having both Javier and Tatsuki between him and the top of the podium had fired him up maybe even more than in the Olympics. He slapped his thighs, twice on each, readying himself for his battle against himself.

The first obstacle was the quad Salchow. Through the twizzle leading to the jump, all his focus was on each muscle necessary for it. He felt the moment of take off and leaped in the air, lungs closed during the rotations, and his whole body fought to regain its balance when his blade touched the ice. A quick flash of adrenaline rushing at his success was as quickly calmed down while he worked toward the quad toe-loop. There was no mistake this time, as his visualisation of the jump matched perfectly with the feeling of it. Every step afterward was like waves of his determination rising and rising, making him fly through the flip and landed him with no doubt.

Through the steps and spins, Yuzuru kept his mind as connected as possible with his body. Some parts were starting to ache but still he moved toward and through the next choreography. A tiny falter happened, on his three jumps combination's entry jump. A landing slightly on the toe-pick, a tiny quarter-second of pause but his mind pushed, pushed, pushed, and his legs pushed too through the half loop and then the triple salchow.

Yuzuru crossed the rink from one side to another and faced his last jump like it was the first. It was only after feeling the three full rotations and his blade landing surely on the ice that he allowed himself to feel a second of relief. He twirled and felt the music in sync with his Ina Bauer and he made his mind cling a bit longer on his body, just a few more seconds. Just enough to fight through a sit spin, to stand up again, a few steps and choreography, his eyes stared up at the building's spotlights and then, then, the very last combination of spins. His entire body was exhausted but he hanged on, even if he was a tiny split second in advance and he had to wait for the final note to arrive to drop on one knee, his left hand raised above him. 

He did it. He hadn't fallen, he completed this damn program for the last time and clean. He was now bowed on the ice, his lungs burning for air and the blood beating in his head, muting the roar of the crowd that he could still feel the vibration of through the ice. He stayed like that a moment, trying to catch his breath, before he sat up on his heels, a smile on his face.

With some difficulty, a huge pain shooting in the bottom of his back, he rose and faced this mass of people. He took his bows, slowly, the adrenaline already starting to come down in his exhausted body. He didn't know if it was enough to climb back from his fall in the short program, but at the moment it didn't matter because he had won against himself.

Like always when he skated back toward the exit of the rink, he could feel all this rush of emotion quieting until it exploded in a final burst as he felt Brian's embrace. It didn't last long, Brian having to run to the other side to be with Javi and he only had the time to tell him how proud he was before leaving Yuzuru sitting alone on the kiss and cry. 

After the replays, once he knew the camera was back on him, Yuzuru joked with the crowd about being alone there and entertained them a bit longer by making Pooh wave at the camera before shaking hands with him. He felt at peace for a second, goofing around although he asked the crowd to quiet down to let Javi take place on the ice and the giant room fell silent, reviving nerves Yuzuru thought he had left on the rink. He needed a double check when the results appeared, asking one of the staff if it was true, if he had won. When the information sunk in he shook his arms and he wanted to fly at the intensity of his joy so he jumped, his body tired, so tired, but so happy and he had won. No matter what, he had won and now he knew that the weight of the gold medal would be a light and delicious one. Today he had truly earned it. 

He then caught a glimpse of Javi on the ice and he cheered for him, knowing that it was now his friend's turn to win against Sochi's ghost and himself.

–

Standing up in the middle of the ice, Javi felt the nervousness subside. It wasn't like in Sochi where, even though it hadn't been his first Olympics, he had faltered under the pressure just at the bottom of the podium. The short program went as smoothly as it did in practice. He landed all his jumps without a fault. He heard the crowd clapping along the music and it lifted his heart. He was even enjoying himself and though it was only the short program, when he finished, he smiled. The pressure he had during Sochi had disappeared. There on a World Championship, it was a competition he knew and had experience in. He still had a rise of anxiety while waiting for his scores and he felt relieved when they appeared. He hadn't realized his mistakes at the moment in his free in Sochi and it had made him a bit anxious he would do it again. 

But now, those anxieties were pushed away and Brian was smiling at him, proud and happy and Javi let himself feel better about himself. He had a good skate, maybe not enough to beat Tatsuki's incredible skate, but he was still in second position. 

He briefly hugged Yuzuru that night, they wouldn't hang around together much after a short program, there was too much concentration and tension in the air. And he could see that Yuzuru, after his mistake, wouldn't get out of his « warrior mode » until the end of the free programs.

He was skating right after him on the free and it was never easy but he was staring to get used to it. Brian still had the incredible ability to make him feel cared for even if he was joining him just as he was going onto the ice, and Javier had turned the few minutes he was alone while Yuzuru was skating into a concentration moment where he didn't need his coach. He trusted Brian, and he always delivered, to be here for him as soon as he could. And considering how many stuffed animals and Pooh that would cover the ice after Yuzuru's skate, he had all the time he needed with his coach just before skating.

He didn't really register, nor actually listen, to his friend's result. The roars were something he was starting to associate with Yuzuru, and he only vaguely recognized his voice encouraging him while he was skating toward the center as his name was announced. All he was focusing on was his skate.

Like the previous day, he felt much more relaxed than in Sochi and the second the music started, he let it guide his moves, languidly moving his shoulders and giving a flirty look to the audience. The crowd clapped along from the start and he flew through his two quads, only having a little step out on the first. As always, he could feel the nervousness going away as he was going through his program and the fun replaced it. Almost everything went perfectly until he popped his triple Lutz and could only follow it with a double toe-loop. He messed up the landing of his triple Flip too but managed to salvage the last jump of this triple jumps combination. The rest, he played with the audience, enjoying every move of the choreography, holding his spins and keeping his focus clear on the next step.

The program ended and it had been much better than in the Olympics he knew that. He didn't zayaked anything, but still those mistakes lingered in his mind. Despite his good score on the short program, he wasn't sure ,as he was catching his breath, if it would be enough to be on the podium. He bowed to the crowd and their cheers warmed his heart. He waved his hands and blew kisses, hoping they would see his gratitude to them on his face and how deep he was bowing, a hand over his heart, because in the end, medal or not, their cheers and love was his biggest joy.

That's why as he was walking toward the bench of the kiss and cry he kept waving at the crowd near by, and he sent words of love to his family and the people watching through the camera while he was sitting, waiting for his score. When he saw his third place he was a bit disappointed but he shrugged anyway because even if he had hope for better, he was still conscious of his mistakes. And if he hadn't watched Yuzuru's skate, even when he felt Yuzuru never really had a bad skate in Javier's eyes, he had caught glimpses of Tatsuki's who had been amazing. 

Javi was a positive guy at his core, and he was already feeling the pang of bitterness melting away. He would have to work and train harder for next year, but for this season, it was over. And as he was ending his last interview before joining the other skaters to wait for the podium, he thought that a bronze medal to finish the season wasn't so bad. And now, as he was hugging Yuzuru before climbing the third step on the podium, he could put Sochi behind him and move forward.

 

That night he spent it a lot on the phone, with his family first then with Cortney although he kinda fell asleep in the middle of it. 

When he woke up he saw she had sent him a text.

« Bronze may not be as shiny as gold, but it's much more pretty. You're my champion and I love you. »

He smiled fondly and read it over and over for a few minutes before he got up to join the others for the Gala. 

In the weeks that followed, he didn't see Yuzuru a lot. He traveled between Toronto and Japan for practice and then for ice shows and he also took a week in Spain to spend with his family. He didn't get to see Cortney a lot either, they always seemed to miss each other, only spending two or three days together between flights and training. 

When Cortney surprised him in Japan, sneaking to his hotel after an ice show, he had welcomed her warmly. Although as soon as he had her finally back in his arms, he felt something had changed. It wasn't something big, he couldn't pinpoint what it was, so he put it on the long distance and time that had separated them until now.

But if he had convinced himself that what happened with Yuzuru didn't meant anything nor counted in any way, he still diverted the discussion everytime Yuzuru came up in, no matter how casually. 

« Did you two fight or something ? » Cortney finally asked, as they were dressing up for breakfast one morning.

What ? No. » Javier replied. « Of course not. »

\- Then what is it ? Usually you at least mention him once when you talk about skating. »

Javier felt a surge of panic in his chest but managed to squeeze it down. He turned around, facing her with a smile. « I just haven't seen him a lot lately. He's very busy. So there's nothing much to talk about you know. »

She didn't seem entirely convinced but she shrugged and didn't bring it up anymore, to Javi's relief. As they walked out of the room, he took her hand in his and held it up so he could kiss her fingers. She smiled back and he tried to not pay too much attention to the fact his heartbeat wasn't racing as it used to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, your comments give me life and motivation to continue and any constructive criticims is always welcomed !


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am smashing my updating record here.
> 
> Here comes the 4th chapter ! Thank you again to Nelly, my marvellous beta !
> 
> Chapter 5 is on its way too, though it will take a bit while to be done.
> 
> Anyway, here's chapter 4, I hope you enjoy it :D

The season was over and Javier was tired. Very tired. Making money in figure skating outside of competitions and sponsorships required doing ice shows, and the best paying place for that was in Japan. So here he was in this country that was becoming his third home after Madrid and Toronto, happy for the people to keep cheering on him, but so physically tired he felt he was in some way probably disappointing them.

Today's ice show had been a bit of a struggle and he was en route to go to his room where Cortney waited for him when he ran into Miki Ando in the hotel lounge. Surprised stunned him as his old teammate from his previous coach greeted him with a large smile and a hug. 

« Javi ! Gosh it's been so long. » She released him and he smiled back. « Come sit with me. » she said, pointing at the comfy chairs. He sat down and she offered to share a glass of wine with him.

« Absolutely » he replied with a light laugh and she called over the waiter for a new glass.

The wine was good and it helped Javier to relax. It had been a long time since they last saw each other. They have briefly crossed each other's paths during previous world championships but the last time they got to actually talk was around 4 years ago when they were still training under the same coach. She left Morozov one year before Javi did and they never really had been in the same surroundings to keep in touch. 

« Canada has been good for you » she said, sipping her wine. « It's nice to see. »

« Nikolaï was right about that at least, I really needed someone to mom me. » he smiled and she laughed.

Nikolaï Morozov, while a good choreographer, had been a bit of a nightmare when Javi was under his wing. His tendency to leave behind his previous students to jump on any new shiny talent was probably his biggest flaw and if Javier would always be thankful he brought him on the international stage, he was much more grateful toward Brian for taking care of the exhausted 18 years old he was and really helping him to step on podiums.

« Well, clearly, it's working much better for you. » she said, a soft smile lighting her face.

Javi remembered their fling back when they were training together with Morozov. More a flirting crush than a real thing but right now he felt again the happy feelings he always had when Miki was around. And now he didn't feel like a teenager in front of her. The air around them felt more mature, and sharing this moment with her, he realized that time turned them into adults. Their lives had taken strong different turns, he was on the rise toward the peak of his career and she had just retired. Plus, she surprised everyone recently when she revealed to the press she gave birth to a little girl.

« Do you enjoy being a mother ? » he asked bluntly, the wine loosening his tongue.

She didn't look offended and instead her smile broadened.

« It's... different. But yes I enjoy it. I realized I was much stronger than I thought and she's counting on me. It's actually motivating to know I have no way out now. »

« You, the responsible adult, » he joked and she threw a piece of bread at him and they both laughed.

They talked more about their lives, her decision to retire, how he balanced his friendship with Yuzuru and competing against him. They ordered more wine and a bit of food and Javi felt his tiredness settle comfortably in his body. 

« You know something that surprised me the most ? Seeing so many spanish flags here. I know it's Japanese fans. But it's still quite a sight you know ? » he babbled , smiling and holding his chin with his hand. It was something very unique to Japan. When they loved you, you always knew.

Miki mimicked his position, her smile tender.

« Well, Japanese fans tend to love a prince. »

He scoffed.

« Oh so I'm a prince ? I thought Yuzuru was the prince. »

« He's the japanese prince. » she said with a fake serious face before relaxing again, her voice soft. « You, you're the dashing european foreign prince. »

Their eyes were locked now, and Javi took her fingers gently in his, raising her hand to brush across his lips.

« And what does a queen think of a prince ? » he asked, looking up at her with a playful smile.

She laughed, head thrown back for a second.

« She's very pleased to see him again. » she answered, « Would the prince walk me back to my chambers ? » She added with a noble tone.

Javi stood up, curtsied and offer her his arm with an affected face and they laughed and joked until they reached Miki's door. She didn't let go of his arm, and when he leaned a bit toward her, Miki closed the distance between them and kissed him. A second later, he was taking off his shirt and she was closing the door behind them.

 

The morning after, Miki woke to the feeling of someone staring at her. She opened her eyes and met Javier's very awake gaze. She smiled at him but he didn't return it and only continued to stare at her intensely.

«Are you okay ? » she asked.

He smiled half-heartedly and turned away to look at the ceiling. Sometimes she forgot how much younger he was . She rose on her arm, hovering over him, a questioning look on her face. Gently, she caressed his shoulder, feeling as his sighs moved his muscles.

« I need to go break-up with my girlfriend. »

He turned his gaze on her and all she could offer him was a sympathetic smile. 

« I'm not asking for more you know. It was nice seeing you again but... » she got cut by his head shaking negatively. 

« It's not just you. I keep getting... distracted. And it's not fair to her. And clearly if I'm not capable of keeping my mind on her, I shouldn't be with her. »

Miki realized there was more to the story that Javi wasn't willing to share there. But she didn't pry. Like she said, she wasn't expecting last night to become a more permanent thing. In a few weeks the ice shows would be over and everyone would be parting ways again. So as a friendly support, she hugged him once they were out of bed and showered, caressed his cheek and closed the door after watching him walk through the corridor to the elevator.

 

Javi knew it was early. Too early. He hadn't seen anyone walking out of their room to get their breakfast while he was on his way to Cortney's room. He knew it would hurt, probably be nasty and bad, but he felt that if he waited any longer to tell her, it would only get worse. He waited a second after he knocked a first time at her door before knocking again. When she opened, she was wrapped in a bathrobe, and her hair up in a towel, like a turban. She welcomed him with a frown and let him in without a word. She was clearly annoyed that he didn't join her last night. Javier stood awkwardly in the middle of the room while she sat on the bed, legs and arms crossed. Javier took a deep breath and braced himself.

« First of all, I want to say I'm sorry. I screwed up. »

She huffed a bitter laugh. 

« And I think we should break up. Because I know I'll continue screwing up. »

To his surprise, she looked shocked. He had been so caught up in his head lately that he thought she would have kicked him out before he finally admitted to himself this wasn't fair to her. But soon she got up, uncrossing her arms, and he could see the tears of anger and disbelief form in her eyes.

« Wait that's it ? You screw up and you want to break up ? You're not even going to try to explain to me what you did or – or – or trying to fix it ? » Her voice rose in volume and the towel imprisonning her hair was starting to give way.

He didn't want to hurt her, god no. And if he told her that he had cheated on her – twice!- behind her back, he knew it would. Javier realized that if he was brave enough to break up with her, he wasn't brave enough to tell her the complete truth.

« I... I want to see other people. »

She froze. And this was a complete trainwreck. 

She turned away from him, the towel on her head getting messier and messier and she ripped it off in rage, her wet dark hair falling around her face and on her shoulders. Javi just wanted to hug her and tell her that everything would be okay and leave as the coward and horrible man he knew he was.

He took a step toward her but she raised her hand, stopping him before he could move further.

« Is it just a want or did you already do it ? » she asked, voice raspy, distress twirling with anger on her face.

Javier bit his lips and couldn't hold her gaze any longer, he looked away.

« Oh my god » he heard her say. « Oh my god, you did ! You cheated on me ! You cheated on me you bastard ! » she grabbed the front of his shirt in her fists, pulling on it. He expected her to hit him but instead she was wheezing and sobbing and tearing on his shirt. He felt the tears rolling on his cheeks and whispered apologies against her hair. He tried to put his arms around her but she pushed him away, putting as much distance between them as she could.

« Get out ! Get out ! Get out ! » she yelled, grabbing a pillow, ready to throw it at him. Leaving the batttlefield, Javier obeyed. 

Once in the corridor, he walked away without a look behind him, drying his eyes before stepping in the elevator.

*

This spring and summer had been the busiest of Yuzuru's entire life. He had lost count of how many interviews he did, how many appearances on TV he made. He had had his own parade in Sendai, and that had been an absolute incredible experience. Being the center of so much attention was dizzying and he started to realize what his Olympic Gold Medal meant for so many people outside of him. He even met the imperial family and the other japanese medalists and everything was crazy.

He was solicited from everywhere and he never thought a second of saying no, at least to most of them. Even if his body was tired, he had responsabilities now, as an Olympic champion, and he couldn't say no. He hopped up and back between Japan and Toronto, just enough time to work on his new programs for the next season, and he was already back in Japan for ice shows. It sort of felt like when he had won his world bronze medal in 2012, multiplied by 1000. 

With their schedules being so out of sync now, he didn't see Javier a lot outside of some ice shows. And even when they were in the same place, Yuzuru's mind was too full of homework and preparations for his own ice show to really hang out with him. If Javier was purposefully avoiding him while he was sorting himself out of his love life drama, Yuzuru didn't even notice. 

He was walking toward the locker room of the rink to prepare himself for the morning practice before a show, when he received a text from Javi.

« I broke up with Cortney » it said simply. Brain on autopilot,Yuzu replied an « I'm sorry » before the information could really settle. Did Javi break up with Cortney because of what happened between them in March ? He felt a pang of sadness for his friend when a single sadly smiling emoji was sent to him in response. 

As he wondered what he should reply, his phone rang. It was the director of his own show, Together on Ice, calling. Yuzuru answered and when he learned that Plushenko had accepted his invitation to do it, he was too busy freaking out to think about anything else. During the practice though, he couldn't help but feel worried for his friend. He kept messing his jumps and before Yuzuru could ask him if he was okay, Javi was skating away from him with Alex and Maia. 

« Dude, if you need to get smashed, just say so. » Alex offered and it was all Yuzuru could hear from their discussion. He saw Javi nodding. 

At the end of the practice, Yuzuru managed to discreetly ask Maia if she could keep an eye on Javier and she patted his shoulder as she agreed.

« Don't worry. I won't let him do anything too stupid. »

He thanked her and she shrugged. « Boys and their messy breakups. »

The morning after, neither Alex nor Javi came to practice but Maia reassured him that they were simply nursing their hangover but the city was still standing. 

Still, he felt much better when Javier appeared at dinner and sat down in front of him with a groan.

« Never drink, Yuzu. Alcohol is the worst thing ever invented. » 

*

Few days later, he was tying his shoelaces when Kanako entered the changing room. She clearly looked irritated and she stopped right in front of him. Yuzuru looked up curiously, and she waited until he was sitting up correctly to lash out.

« I'm counting on you to help me stop those stupid journalists from thinking we're ever going to end up together. » She said abruptly.

Yuzuru's eyebrows shot up and Kanako deflated like a balloon. She sagged next to him on the bench. 

« I'm so tired of it Yuzu. I was this close of yelling at them I have a boyfriend, but I'm not ready to make it public right now and I don't want to suffer through their comments yet... »

Yuzuru smiled sympathetically at her and took her hand.

« I'll try. I'll tell them how annoying you are and how I can't possibly fall in love with such a talented but opiniated girl. » 

She smacked him lightly on the arm but she smiled.

« Also I already told them I want a cute japanese skating girlfriend, who would not interfere with my skating. I don't want to be bothered. I need my space. »

A pair of judging eyes turned toward him. « Really ? That's really what you want ? »

Yuzuru shrugged. « I don't particularly want someone right now, but if I had one, I don't want her to mess with my training. »

Kanako looked at him with a stern expression.

« Yuzuru, if I ever learn you found a girlfriend and you're treating her like that, I'm going to punch you so hard your head will do a better quad toe than any of those you ever landed. »

He blinked at her, bewildered. She got up and faced him again, laying on him the most serious and terrifying look he ever saw on her.

« People are not objects, Yuzu. If one of your conditions to be with someone is for them to stay quietly and passively at your disposition and only coming when you summon them... Stay single. »

He couldn't hold her gaze and looked down at his hands. Everytime the question of dating came up in interviews -not so much thankfully from people closer to him- he had felt weird about it. He didn't want to be alone forever, but for now, everytime he would picture himself in a relationship, it made him feel like it would be a burden. He couldn't imagine being with someone and not clashing in some ways with his skating. He couldn't see himself with one of the girls from the Cricket club, nor Kanako, she was like his twin. And he saw how destabilized Javi became when he broke up with Cortney. Yuzuru knew he wasn't ready to let his skating suffer because of messy relationships. Not after the turmoil he already experienced with Javier not so long ago. 

In front of his silence, Kanako left the changing room and Yuzuru sagged against the wall. On his lips, the memory of Javier's kiss from months ago was tingling.

*

Javi and Miki kept meeting eachother when he came back from Spain in Japan to do more ice shows. When he was with her, Javi felt good. She was wonderful and she made him laugh and the world was a little bit brighter and softer when she was there. He had also fell head over heels for Himawari and when the little girl was playing dolls with him, he had a taste of what a father might feel like and it wasn't something he wanted to ever let go.

He hadn't plan it at all but soon they talked about becoming a real couple and not just hooking up anymore. Especially after his disastrous performance at the Japan Open, and how wonderful Miki had been in comforting him, he felt like it would be lying and dishonest to not make it more serious. Maybe it was a mistake to jump again into another long distance relationship, but Miki was older, she also had retired from competitions, so it was making seeing eachother a bit easier. Even though they had decided to give it a real try this time, they still agreed to go slow, to enjoy themselves and to see where it would lead them.

In Toronto, Javier's approach to his training had started to change. Now that the ice shows were over, the whole team was back together and he could watch Yuzu on the ice again. The gold medals he had gained the previous season were absolutely deserved in Javier's eyes. Yuzuru's determination and will strength started to rub on Javier and he felt his own resolve harden. 

Before, when he was tired, he would drag his feet to go to the training but now, he found himself pushing on his aching legs without a double thought. He still was himself, joking, charming, laughing Javi, but now during the practice sessions, he would focus his mind a little bit more, a little longer. 

With Yuzu back at the Crickett club in september, the team felt again complete. They would challenge eachother, joke, annoy Nam who would give it back in double. Yuzuru learned by accident that Javier wasn't single anymore, when he bumped into Miki one morning. He saluted her warmly and they chatted a bit until Javier arrived in the lobby and, because he was Javi, kissed her on the lips as a goodmorning greeting.

Something had tightened in Yuzuru's chest while Miki explained, after seeing his surprise on his face, that they were now an item. He smiled, a bit forced, and nodded.

« Congratulations. » he said politely. And to prevent himself from... doing something, he walked away, a simple « time for skating » said as a way to make his departure less abrupt.

When he arrived in the locker room he changed quickly and he was glad he would start with a dancing lesson, because maybe Nam's antics would lighten his mood. 

He told himself this was a relief. Because Javi was his friend and Miki deserved someone nice and Javi was nice. And he was an Olympic champion, he had responsibilities and the thought of Javi being single would have just distracted him with all its « maybes » and it was good that he was taken, so everyone could focus on skating and avoid unnecessery drama. The last months had prevented him from thinking too much about what had happened, what could happen with Javi, and now he had skating to do, his back injury to kick away through sheer determination and responsabilities. Romance and feelings weren't his priorities at all.

That's what he kept telling himself all day long but when Javi came to skate next to him at the end of the day, and asked him if he was okay, Yuzuru sighed and couldn't lie to himself nor his friend about his annoyance much longer.

« I wish you told me before. » he said, avoiding Javi's gaze.

« I'm sorry. It's very new. You're actuallly the first one who knows outside of my family. » They slowed down, Yuzuru's anger slowly calming down, and they were skating leizurely around the rink now.

« What about... » Yuzuru started but he bit his lips. 

« Us ? » finished Javi after a second of silence with the hint of a smile. 

Yuzuru looked down, and Javi was stunned. He had thought, since their discussion after it happened, that it had been only an experience thing for Yuzuru. He grabbed Yuzuru's arm, making him turn around so they would be facing eachother now as he was stopping, and tried to meet his eyes.

« Yuzu... Do you... Do you want a relationship ? » he asked, astonished. His heart beat faster and he couldn't tell if he was anxious or excited by what his friend might answer. The possibility that Yuzuru could have feelings other than friendship for him never grazed him before.

Yuzuru locked his eyes with Javi's for a second but he couldn't hold his gaze for more than that. With a loud sigh he rubbed his brows with his fingers, frustration making the words harder to come out.

« I don't know. I'm so busy I can't think about that. » he managed to reply, his hand shielding him from seeing Javi's jaw tensing.

« I'm stupid. » he finally said with a loud sigh, letting his hand fall down and rest on his hip. He looked firmly Javi in the eyes, and smile. « I'm sorry. I'm happy for you and Miki. I'm not... good for relationships. » he said with a grimace and Javi smiled. He patted Yuzuru's side gently. « So we're good ? » he asked soflty.

« We're good. » Yuzuru replied. They smiled at eachother and Yuzuru knew exactly what he needed to finish to shake away the tightness in his chest.

« I bet I can do a better quad sal than you can do a triple axel before they close the rink. » he said, a spark of challenge in his voice.

Javi shook his head with a bright smile, rolling his shoulders as he prepared himself for the challenge. 

« Oh it's on ! » 

Yuzuru bolted on the ice, chased by Javier and soon the only sounds filling the place would be their skates cutting the ice, their shouts of triumphs and their laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :D Leave me a little comment to tell me what you think ?


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